Back to December
by stealmyylove
Summary: Clare thinks back on her relationship with Eli while waiting on him to call. Is it right, is it wrong? Has too much time passed? - Eclare 1/2 - Cute cake friendship.


She knew that life never stayed the same, you blink and everything's rearranged. Her life was living proof of that but she never thought it would be like that with her and Eli. She never thought it would be a yelling match in the middle of the hall-way and places of enjoyment with all of their friends and peers staring on. She never pictured him telling her that he hated her or never pictured her feeling so lost because of a boy who still held her heart in the palm of his hands.

They had both been wrong, she knew that. She left, which she knew she needed to do but in the way she did it, she knew that it would haunt her for the rest of her days. A hospital room, bruises and cuts, Eli's voice and him knowing that she would come though, it had led her to shaking and her stomach twisting violently and nothing felt good about them anymore. She was just a kid, a kid in love but she couldn't handle whatever it was that was making Eli fall apart right before her eyes.

But Eli, sick or not, he'd broken her right along with him. She wasn't sure if he meant it or if she had just been collateral damage. Still, it was there. It wasn't visible, not really, unless you really looked at her. The dark circles under her tired eyes, the attempted smile that didn't ever feel real any more and the way she was holding onto an invisible thread because she didn't have answers, she didn't have a clue and she was losing Eli. They were falling apart, together and separate.

All-in-all, she remembered thinking that they'd turned into her parents. Screaming and bad feelings, paranoia and tears. She knew if she could go back, she would change it. She would've asked him to talk to his parents, to seek help. She wouldn't have walked out of that hospital room but she wouldn't have stayed his girlfriend because it wasn't right for either of them at the time. But she couldn't go back in time. She didn't have a time machine and she knew sitting around thinking of regrets wouldn't help anything.

It was December again. It had been a whole year. They broke up in the Spring but December had been their month. They had been through so much and still, they were holding strong. He saw her cry, she'd seen him cry. They grew together and fell in love. Matching piercings and promises of another month, more time, holding hands and contraband kissing. They were best friends who were in love and when the snow fell that month he told her he loved her. It was quiet and sweet, it was a private moment. It was laying in the snow after a snowball fight and Eli kissing the tip of her nose before whispering those three words to her and her heart thudding, her whole entire being warming despite the frost in the air.

"I love you, Eli," Clare whispered back and a year later, she wondered how it went so wrong so quickly. From him grabbing her arm, writing scary pieces in magazines and shouting tha the loved her in the hall. It didn't feel like it did all those nights. Spring brought new things, but it washed away everything they had built up together and their storm set them apart.

It was over.

He hated her.

She kissed Jake.

He wanted to ruin her in a play.

He had Imogen.

She fell for Jake.

Their parents fell in love and life got complicated.

And in the end, Clare had found herself alone through it all.

Losing Eli, losing her friend, losing Jake in that way.

But the newspaper. Alli and Eli, KC and Jenna and Connor. They'd pulled through for her. And something felt right again.

There was a spark again. There was Eli and his smirk, his messy hair and quick wit. The butterflies in her stomach that she remembered from so long ago. It reminded her of _you have pretty eyes_ and that quiet _I love you_. It was real, familiar and different all in the same breath and then she'd kissed him.

It surprised him, she wasn't stupid. They were hot and cold, distant and together. They were up and down, yes and no, crazy and calm.

They were Eli and Clare.

She held onto the fact that he'd kissed her back, though. She felt it and even a week later, waiting for her phone to ring, she could still feel the way he pressed his lips back against hers and the way his arm had felt against her hip as her hand held tightly to the front of his jacket.

Though, minds, they have a way of tricking and hers was twisting her in every direction. What if it was wrong? What if Eli no longer wanted her? What if they were too damaged to be okay and like that again? She felt silly and sick with worry because what if that kiss ruined any chances of being friends with him again? How could she lose him when she'd just gotten him back?

"He hasn't called yet?" Jake asked, breaking her from her thoughts and she jumped. Clare looked over at him, her eyebrow raising. "Eli, I mean. Is that why you're staring at your phone like that?"

She let out a quiet chuckle and nodded. She and Jake were friends, it was nice. Not quite siblings but he was there for her and she tried to be there for him when he rambled on about how this we're-just-friends thing got with him and Jenna. "Yeah. Silly, right?"

He stood there for a moment before plopping next to her, his arm slinging around her shoulders as he pulled her into his side. "Nah, not silly. But before he does call and you get swept away by the boy who wears eyeliner, let's have a talk."

"Jake," She started but he lightly slapped his hand over her mouth.

"A talk, Clare. That's all. It's simple, a few short words. Okay?" He waited and she nodded but he dropped his hand to hers, taking it into his own as he held her. "I want you to be careful. No matter what happens. I know we're not together and we're kind of off and awkward but I'll always care and if he hurts you, I might have to kick his ass."

"_Jake_ -"

"Ah ah, I'm almost done. But you're a big girl and I haven't seen you smile like that since... well, us... and it's nice. Seeing you happy. So when he calls, don't be afraid. And remember that I'm always here for you."

She looked over at him, wondering how this was even possible but she knew where he was coming from. At first she'd been bitter but she was rooting for him to finally work his way in with Jenna because she just wanted him to be happy. The same way he told her he wanted her to be happy.

"Thanks, Jake." She said, reaching over and hugging him gently just as her ring tone sounded through the room and Jake pulled back, glancing at her phone that sat on the coffee table. Eli's face lit up the screen and he smiled at Clare, who seemed to be frozen.

"Don't be afraid." Jake reminded her as he jumped up and handed her the phone before making his way out of the room.

Clare stared down at her phone and after the fifth ring, she hit the send button. Raising the phone to her ear, she felt her throat close up and her stomach flutter. "Hey Eli."

"Hey Clare," Eli spoke from miles and miles away, but it felt like he was next to her. "So we just got home from vacation... can we talk?"

* * *

**TBC.**


End file.
